Fixing the Slashed Tires

Life has been incredibly busy lately. It's the middle of wedding season, it's family portrait season, Bridget started Kindergarten, and my sister's baby shower is days away. There is lots going on and keeping my goals in site has been a struggle. It's hard to admit, but doing it all isn't always possible. In those moments, it's important to do the best we can, with what we have at the moment.

Three weeks ago, on a Friday, I didn't have time to track what I ate for breakfast, and that carried over to lunch. Supper came next, which wasn't tracked. The next day was the same thing. The weekend didn't get any less busy, and come Monday, I said 'Shag it, I wills start fresh on Thursday when I weigh in'. So for the rest of the week, I ate everything I saw. Everything I thought of. It didn't matter the distance, I would go get it. I was already destined for a gain that week - I might as well make it worth while.

Well let me tell you, doing that was not dissimilar to slashing your other three tires when you wake up to discover you have one flat. It doesn't fix the first tire, and only makes the disaster harder to fix. It's not a logical way to do things. It's not healthy or smart. It was however, easy, comforting and only mildly delicious.

On August 29, I walked into my Weight Watchers meeting and stood on the scale. Immediately the receptionist in charge of the scale said "Did you eat something salty?"

I imagine she was trying to help me find an excuse for what happened. I knew what happened. I ate 3.6 pounds worth of salty, sugary, processed junk and it showed up on the scale. I ate it in private, and it was showing up in public.

I stood at the scales and it was a crossroads. The previous week had been much easier. There was no planning involved. I got to eat what I wanted. I could have just gone home and continued. Instead I walked into my meeting to pay the piper. I admitted out loud how I had gone off the rails, what I had done, what I had eaten and why I had done it. Food is the most cruel addiction. You need it to live. You can't avoid it. You have to find it, buy it, store it, prepare it and clean up after it. Then you do it all about 4 hours later.

There is a huge group of people who have supported me through this. I text every one of them, ever single Thursday morning to tell them how I did. I didn't want to send any messages that Thursday. But I did. If I didn't do it, I would give up and not get on with my journey. I would revert back to the old me and gain back every ounce and more. I know the old me. She's still a part of me, but sometimes we do battle and I have to not let her win.

I vowed that the following week I would be better. And I was. I didn't track but I kept in line. I didn't eat nearly as bad and I tried to be sensible every day. I lost half of a pound last Thursday. It was only a tiny loss, but I had to keep in mind that my body doesn't know what Thursday morning is. I was probably still processing all of the foolishness I had consumed the week before. However, a loss is a loss, and I was happy to have it. It meant I was back in control.

I swore to myself I would track the following week. And I did. I tracked like it was my job. I tracked like my life depended on it. I tracked like if I didn't, all of the weight I had lost would come join my stomach again and I wouldn't have a pair of pants to wear. To keep myself motivated I took a before and after photo of myself and kept it on my phone. Whenever I was tempted to eat something I knew was not a good idea, I looked back at the photo. Keep in mind, I love those 2 photos on the top of myself. I felt pretty and good in both those outfits. The one on the right is on my bedside table (with the rest of the family and without my companies watermark of course!). Those aren't photos I picked because I looked terrible by comparison. The ones on bottom were taken 3 weeks ago - just before I fell off the wagon.

I just got home from my weigh-in. I am happy to report the fastidious tracking was well worth it. I was down 3.5 pounds. I am 1.2 lbs away from the halfway mark of my goal (which is 134 pounds in case you haven't read about it). I have lost 65.8 pounds. In 2.7 pounds the number on the scale will indicate that I weigh less than 200 pounds for the first time that I ever knew about. I weighed in 200lbs in high school. This is uncharted water for me!

I love 5lb milestones, so having hit 65lbs was a big deal today!

How are you doing with your journey?

xo,
Amy