A while ago, a woman I find extremely motivational asked on her Facebook page, if we find it harder to keep on track on the weekends. I didn't think I did. When you change your lifestyle, you pretty well change everything. You can't fall off the rails if everything around you is set up to keep you on the rails. I had everything well set up and my head was in the game. Weekends could not push me off the wagon.
The day I joined Weight Watchers, I said to Jamie, "When I lose 25 pounds, I want to go to a Chinese buffet and eat my face off. I will have earned it. If anyone looks at me OR my plate, I will stab them with my fork."
I got a raised eyebrow.
I hit 25 pounds fairly quickly and I didn't think that going to Chinese buffet was necessary, or the best idea. I was afraid that having it would derail me. Make me go back to my old ways. To throw all the eggs on the floor after I had broken one. I didn't eat my face off, I just stayed the course instead.
The distance between 25 pounds and 50 pounds is the same amount of weight, but it seemed to take ages. I steadily made progress but seemed to be in the 30ish pounds down category for a very long time. We went on vacation when I was in the 40's and making good choices when we ate and visiting the gym before we left the hotel in the morning allowed me to have a great loss on my first weigh in when I came back. The 40's didn't stick around too too long, and I hit 50 pounds on Thursday. 50.6 pounds, but really, who is count?!
I was hell bent that I was going to eat my face off at the Chinese buffet that evening. Picky eaters ruined my plan and I didn't have it. I was a woman possessed. I was angry. I could have thrown things. It wasn't a rational response at all. But I wasn't feeling rational.
We planned to have it on Saturday, and because of the timing of my step sister's surprise birthday party, we didn't make it then either. Instead, I picked, and picked, and picked at the party. I also had more wine that I would ever have consumed, but since I wasn't having the Chinese binge (why lie and call it anything else) I justified it to myself that it was OK. I still tracked all of what I ate when I came home. It cut into my weekly Point allowance (something I rarely do) but I had a great night. I couldn't take it back and I didn't want to.
Today was Mother's Day and I woke up with great intentions (and a roaring headache!). Jamie attempted to make me breakfast in bed of boiled eggs. But because Bridget had ballet, Daniel had baseball and we needed to work a trip to Carbonear to Jamie's moms for lunch I ended up helping. I ate boiled eggs, without toast, knowing that I was likely going to have something extra at lunch and I wanted to not throw bread into the mix, after my foible with the wine the night before.
Rushing to ballet was a gong show and we just made it on time. Jamie dropped us off and went to get coffee. I ordered a Honey Lemon Tea. See, totally back on track.
On the hour long drive to his Mom's, my sister in law messaged to say there was a change of plans. Instead of chicken and salads, we were all going out to lunch. To the Chinese buffet.
How many expletives can I thrown into one Blog post without offending the masses? None? Ok. I'll say them but won't type them.
Off we go to Don's Chinese Buffet.
Now, I was in a pickle. I wanted the chicken balls, rice, noodles, egg rolls and chicken wings. But I had already gone and had indiscretions last night. As I looked at the buffet line, I had no healthy option. I looked at the menu and there weren't any there either. Order modified menu items is the mantra I hear to keep in mind in these situations. Doing this at a jam packed buffet restaurant on Mother's Day was just not in the cards. It would be bad Karma to ask the cook to whip me up something NOT on the menu when the place was rocking. I've worked in food service and there are just somethings I refuse to do.
My sister in law looked at me and said, "I don't know what you can eat here."
I didn't either.
Suddenly, Old Amy came and took over my body. She got a plate of food for Bridget and cut it up. She walked to the buffet line and picked up some off her favorites. She was careful not to take too much of any one thing. She added the broccoli shenanigans because she needed to and she ate the whole shazaam. She might have even taken a breath in there somewhere. Her plate was empty and everyone else was still eating. She didn't feel bad. She didn't feel like she shouldn't have eaten it. She said, "You lost 50 pounds damn it, go get yourself another plate." Then she used my feet to walk to the buffet line again to get 2 chicken wings, 2 chicken balls and a wonton. Then she watched as I ate it like a wolf. Honest to God, it would have taken someone to restrain me to keep me from that second chicken wing. And by restrain, I mean, encase me in cement.
Then she was gone. Old Amy and all of her crazy justifications, excuses and bull crap left around the same time the stomach pains showed up. The crazy nausea mixed with the stabbing pain that made me think that I was jousting with a real knight and was losing badly was enough to scare her back to Dodge.
I am fairly sure I used up my Points for the day, and a good chunk of my Weeklies. I am enjoyed every sip of wine last night, and every grain of fried rice today. It was all delicious and I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend. And I can't take a single calorie, Point, head ache or stomach ache back.
It's done now and all I can do is move on.
Right now I have Mother's Hubbards Cupboards and I need to get groceries. This is not the way successful cupboards look. So first thing tomorrow I need to plan my meals for the week, keep my head on straight at my Mother's, Mother's Day lunch and then go get groceries. Healthy ones that will allow me to keep on track and eat the good foods my body now craves.
I have thought about it a lot since I ate it. My big blowout cheat meal was 50 pounds in the making. It took me almost 6 months to have it so it was inevitable that I would give in and have a blow out on deep fried food covered in thick sugary red sauce. I wasn't going to be able to let it go. But my cheat meal is done now. And the more I think about it it, you can cheat on your diet, and it's likely to happen. But when you aren't on a diet, and you have committed to living a healthier life, it's not a diet you are cheating on- it's actually yourself. And in no way is it worth it.
Much love and Happy Mothers Day to everyone who is or ever had a Mother!
Amy
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