Setting a Goal to Keep Insight

What we vividly imagine, ardently desire, enthusiastically act upon, must inevitably come to pass."
- Colin P. Sisson

When I started this whole get healthy thing I was literally sitting in a hospital bed, trying to get over hernia surgery. I should have been back on my feet in no time but I wasn't. I got a massive infection and the only explanation the adorable doctor with the Russian accent told me is, "You are too big and we don't know where it is to fix it." Well then. If that isn't being told, I don't know what is.

On that day of my life I weighed 268lbs. I wore a size 3x shirt. I squeezed into size 24 pants because I refused to admit I needed a 26. I was in rough shape, but if you looked me in the face, I would have told you there was NOTHING wrong with me. I honestly believe I suffered from body dismorphia - in reverse. Instead of being the tiny person seeing someone much larger in the mirror, I didn't see me as morbidly obese. I saw me as just fine. And good for me really. To walk around confident and happy with myself at that weight, in those clothes, and winded at the top of any flight of stairs I dared to climb was really something. I hope I am always that confident.

Since that day, as you know if you have been reading my blog, I joined the gym and Weight Watchers and I have made tremendous progress. I have lost 66lbs since December 1. But along the way I have managed to stick to my Weight Watchers Points Program extremely well. It's manageable. It's not terrible. It works. I will take it.

However, I did slack off going to the gym. And I don't mean I went less. I mean, when I went to Las Vegas in March I went to the gym, first thing in the morning, every morning before venturing out of the hotel. I lost almost 3lbs in Vegas - and I didn't deprive myself of fun. I just made good choices. But for some reason when I got back, I just stopped going to the gym. It's not fun. I don't like to sweat. The treadmill is mindnumbingly boring to me. I.JUST.DON'T.LIKE.IT.

But I have still lost weight. Not as quickly and not as consistently as I had been. So last week, after my weigh in, I had a big think for myself. What was different?

Well, for starters, I have a goal. A big one. I want to lose 134lbs. That would make me 134lbs at my goal weight - exactly half my starting weight. Not bad. Maybe a little lofty, but totally doable.

But what I had stopped doing along the way was setting little goals. When I started reaching ones I had set, like 25lbs, 50lbs, fitting into a North Face coat, walking Signal Hill (and living to talk about it), I didn't set new ones. So I have been moseying along, on the path to get to 134lbs without any little goals along the way. I guess it would be like driving from Newfoundland to British Columbia without looking at anything else - or stopping to Pee.

So I made a new set of goals. To get to the gym or do some other sort of meaningful exercise 5 days a week.  And to lose an additional 20lbs by December 1. The one year anniversary of my surgery and wake up call. 19lbs gone would give me 85lbs gone in a year - 20 gone will be 85lbs and a little gravy!

Doing it won't be easy, which is why I am posting it here. It's easy to make a goal and tuck it into your pocket. It's another to make a goal, and put it on the internet for all the world who is interested in seeing it to see. Today was a stressful day (and family I love you but please don't call me to ask what's stressful. I am busy. Kids are busy. Business is busy. Life is busy. It's just stress and it will dissipate - or it won't and that's ok too). It was so stressful that this emotional eater might have run someone over with her car to get to a cupcake. Or McDonalds. Or anything really. But I had to have a firm talking to with myself and said "Self, there is NOTHING you can put aboard of you that will make anything run smoother. You will not ever be one cupcake closer to 85lbs lost, not ever, so just knock it off and keep on."

It worked.

After dance class I let Bridget have a Happy Meal as a treat. On the way home Jamie wanted Mary Browns. I got through 2 different drive through windows and came home to cook and eat chicken, broccoli, mushrooms, peppers and a little lime juice with a bunch of garlic. Oh yes. I did. Really... I couldn't be any prouder of myself. If I didn't have that 20lb goal, I might have just said, "Sure!" to any of those things today. I will eventually get to 134lbs so one bad meal among many won't hurt. But having a solid, quantifiable goal with the a firm deadline motivated me to NOT have those things I wanted.

And do you know what? That totally clean 4 Points Plus supper I ate was absolutely delicious and as I drink my herbal tea I am totally satisfied and so proud of myself for making a goal and doing my very best to work toward it.