14 + 36

When you have been big your entire life, it does't occur to you that there can be any other way.

I have never felt small, looked small or been small. This is not a statement based in self pity or self loathing. It is purely fact. I have been bigger than average my entire life. I assumed that since I just kept getting bigger, it's how I was made. I suspected it was genetic- and that was a convenient scapegoat. I was 'big boned'. There was no arguing with big bones, especially the life preserver sized one around my mid section.

Since I started this journey, and I have faced some incredibly hard truths. I have an addictive personality and I am addicted to food. While it doesn't seem as dangerous as heroine, meth or even alcohol, it is. I love the way food feels in my mouth and tastes on my tongue. I love the feeling of being full. I find eating out rewarding, comforting and thrilling - sometimes all at the same time.

I had also had to admit to myself and others, to make it real, that I eat in secret. It's embarrassing. On an episode of the Biggest Loser a contestant owned up to the fact that they would go through the drive-through, order, binge eat, then throw away the evidence. I cried along with them because I had done that, so many times I couldn't tell you, and I had done it only hours before.

I had to admit that one day, standing in the dressing room at Reitmans, I squeezed myself into a size 22 pants. The top half of me exploded out over the top of the pants. I looked in the mirror, I panicked. What was  I going to do?

It amazes me now, that  in that moment, when the largest pair of pants in the store were drastically too small, my solution to this problem was not, "Get it together, get healthy, make smarter choices, exercise, don't go through the drive-through on the way home". It was, "I think Pennington's sells bigger pants."

To make myself feel better, I am a Maple Pecan Danish and a Double Double on the way home. Then stopped by the park to throw out the bag before I went back to my house without new pants.

It took my health taking a nose dive for me to realize that I had a real problem. Not everyone was walking around like me. Not everyone had their head in the sand when it came to the fact that they were overweight  obese. Surely things could get better, because if they didn't, they were going to get much worse.


On December 1, 2012 I had surgery and then got very sick. It was then that I realized that I needed to change my life or I wasn't going to have one much longer. In the following 3 weeks, I watched everything I ate. I swore off pop, juice and other sugary things. I started to pay attention to what I was consuming. I did not keep anything I ate a secret. In that 3 weeks, I lost 14 pounds.

When I was well enough, I joined Weight Watchers. I had been a member during university and had lost a few pounds. I knew that writing things down and having someone else weigh me would keep me accountable. I needed to be accountable. I set a goal for myself to lose 50 pounds before my birthday on May 28 so that I could enjoy shopping for new summer clothes.

It is now May 9, 2013.

I just walked in the door from my Weight Watchers meeting and made a healthy breakfast. And now I have something I need to tell you. My weigh-in book says something exciting today. It says that since December 18th and May 9, I have lost 36.6 pounds.

I am not a rocket scientist, but I can do simple math. Today that equation is one that I am so incredibly proud of.

14 + 36 = 50

I have lost 50 pounds! 

I still have a very long way to go on this journey, but in less than 6 months I have lost 50 pounds, went from a 22/24 to a 17/18 in pants. 3x to XL in shirts. My smaller bras I bought are ridiculous again so I need to go shopping. And that's just the physical side of things. My head is so much clearer, my heart is so much happier and I feel joy.

Some of you have messaged me and told me that I inspire you. I can't believe anyone is telling me those words and I am in awe. I have also received messages that tell me you can't find it in yourself to start, you don't want it bad enough, you don't think you can do it.

Hear me now...

I felt that exact way 6 months ago. I didn't know any other way. I had an arsenal of excuses. But I just had to start. I know you can do it. The only thing standing in your way is you. All you need to do is start.

Don't worry about how long the journey will take-the time will pass anyway.

Much love,
Amy

(Grimace on my face has nothing to do with excitement. It's because I am a control freak and someone else was taking the picture!)

P.S I would love you to join me on my Facebook Calamity-Amy page! You will find it here! https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Misadventures-of-Calamity-Amy-by-Amy-Donovan/299809476447