Another Use for Duct Tape?

My child is a nudist.

She wasn't always. It used to be that she had no idea how to get her clothes off. But now, since I say, "Let's get you dressed," about 63 times a day, she calls socks, pants, shirts, jackets and winter boots all "Dress." It makes sense.

She doesn't like "dress." In fact, she runs screaming her head off saying, "No dress. No dress."

I wrangle dress onto her 63 times a day- and she takes them off just as often.

I have no idea how to get her to keep her clothes on. I even asked her paediatrician what I should do, and she suggested duct tape. I laughed when she said it. But Doctor D looked confused as to why I was laughing. Apparently she meant for me to tape shut the snaps and the tabs on her diaper.

I didn't choose to do that, because I am very willing to bet that when Child Protective Services came to take Bridget away, because I coat her in duct tape, Doctor D would have no recollection of giving me such helpful advice.

It's ok though, my house is very warm. The furnace has been working overtime to ward off -30 degree temperatures. But because it's been so long since we have ventured out into the arctic temperatures she has taken to standing in the window, watching our neighbour sweep her car with a little broom 38 times a day (it's much easier to snoop when you're outdoors).

Initially, I was concerned that the front door lets in a giant draft. But then I realized I had bigger things to worry about.

The neighbour with the very clean car is so neighbourly that she once called the police to report that Daniel, our 11 year old, had stolen all of the butterflies from her yard. She didn't understand that butterflies fly, and can get out of any yard if they don't want to be there.

She also called Animal Control to report that our big dog was scaring her little dog by looking at him through the fence. Apparently, her Shitzu was so stressed out about our Alaskan Malamute looking at him, that he had no appetite.

Of course, there was also the time the parking lot of our condo was very slippery, and my parents were visiting from Newfoundland. My stepdad hit a patch of ice and brushed her bumper with the rental car bumper. She called 911 and I heard her on the phone trying to justify the call by saying, 'but it's a brand new truck!'

So you can see how I am worried because as the days go by, Bridget is seen in the window, almost all the time, naked as a jay bird. I am expecting any day at all, Child Protective services might show up at my door, alerted that I don't provide clothing for my toddler.

I am wondering which they would prefer to see. A child with not a stitch on in the middle of the winter, or one coated in duct tape over her clothing.

Anyone else had to figure this out!? I would love to hear how you handled it!