A Lesson in Park Etiquette.

I don't remember enjoying playgrounds when I was a kid. I remember some bratty kid coming down the slide to soon after me and kicking me in the kidneys. I remember that it hurt, and that my Mom yelled. It might have actually been my Dad, but there was yelling. I was always the kid who fell off the teeter totter, got sick on the merry-go-round and my bottom (that was always ample) always hated the stupid strap they call a swing seat nipping me.

However, Bridget LOVES the playground. She squeals wildly on the swings and has NO fear on the slides- no matter how high.

So we go to the playground. It's more fun than I remember. It's easier to avoid injury at 28 when you keep your feet on the ground. I really wish I could get up the nerve to slide, but my still ample bottom leads me to envision myself either stuck on the slide or reenacting the water slide scene from Eddie Murphy's Norbit. There are some chances I am just not willing to take.

But I digress.

Today while Jamie and Daniel were training for Daniel's Major League Baseball career (No. I am NOT mocking- he really is quite good) at the neighboring ball diamond, Bridget and I headed to the playground. I was the ONLY Mommy there. There were seven Daddies, with one child each, all playing calmly and being friendly to each other. It was a nice playground. It was a nice day. This playground was A-OK in my books.

Then I see it. The Shirtless Man.

I hate ALL shirtless men who publicly parade around on hot days, with the sweat gleaming on their hairy backs and their bellies protruding over their patent leather belts. Yesssss....I am passing judgement. I don't parade around with my naked belly protruding over my belt no matter how hot. It's just common courtesy.

Anyway. I am trying unbelievably hard to ignore this mans shirtlessness but he is so unbelievably loud that it is impossible to do so. He has arrived with four rowdy boys and an unbearably whiny girl. None of these children were interested in playing with each other. They only wanted to play Tag with the Father. Did Father want to play? Not a chance. Did EVERY ear in the park hear about it. Yes. "Dad, we want to play Tag with you!". "Too Bad!".

Father of the year nominations are soon, I have my voting pen at the ready.

Suddenly I hear his overbearing voice hollering at one of the boys because he keeps running out of his sandals. In the sand. Flip flops may be considered beach wear, but running in sand with them at an Edmonton playground is not a task easily mastered by a 5 year old.

"MUMB BASS"

Ok, so that's not what he said, but this is a family friendly blog. It rhymes, so you can logically deduce what he called the kid when he ran out of his shoe for the third time.

Seriously! Not only is he verbally abusing a kindergartner but he is doing it in front of my 16 month old. My inner loud mouth was silently screaming her head off with all of the things I was dying to say to this man, but really! Would that have made things any better?

I can't say how happy I was when they left. He had grabbed the oldest boy (about 12?) and nougied (how does one spell the word do describe scruffing one reluctant person roughly on the head? Is it even a word?) until he started to cry and took off from the park. The rest followed suit.

I know it was entirely selfish of me to secretly relish the fact that they were gone. I really do feel badly for those poor children, but I definitely heard the collective sigh of relief from all of the other Dad's as that one and his brood walked away. Surely, they were as speechless as I was at the way some people behave towards their children. It was clearly a horrendous task for this man to walk his kids to the park. Perhaps he might have been better off letting them walk alone-they might have had more fun without him.

I am actually quite sad about how it all went down.

So here's my committment to Bridget. I may not always have the time to take you to the park. But I will take you. While we are at the park, we will have fun. Mommy may not love the park, but you do, and you will have fun because that's what kids are supposed to do!